Friday, December 30, 2016

93: "Hitler Robot Santa...What Did I Miss?!?" - The Santa Clause 2 & 3

It's never too late to say "Merry Christmas" and it's never too late for two Disney Christmas movies that should never have been released in theaters.  It's a super-sized episode where we discuss The Santa Clause 2 starring SNL alum Molly Shannon and The Santa Clause 3 starring Martin Short.  Watch Santa get laid.  See Elizabeth Mitchell as a sexy Professor Snape.  Watch Judge Reinhold get more and more creepy.  Hear more farts than you thought you wanted.  Watch an hour of Alan Arkin and then introduce time travel into your movie.  Merry Christmas, we put two big lumps of shit in your stocking.
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Monday, December 19, 2016

92: "You Had Me At Clown. You Lost Me At Rape." - The Santa Clause (1994)

Stuff your stocking with a little holiday murder.  It's The Santa Clause starring Tim Allen and SNL alum Mary Gross.  Why does Santa always pick Christmas Eve to take a vacation or commit suicide?  Why does Santa have to be fat?  Why can't we put that Naughty and Nice List on a floppy disk?  Why do the elves show no remorse over Santa's death?  Why are there so many Christmas movies that focus on the fact that Santa doesn't exist?  All these questions plus a laundry list of shitty Whoopi Goldberg movies and some information on the Disney film Santa Paws.  Enjoy!
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Sunday, December 11, 2016

91: "Chekhov's Gnome With Big Tits" - A Gnome Named Gnorm aka Upworld (1990)

Remember E.T. and how cute and cuddly he was?  What was he missing?  That's right a raging libido and the urge to bone hot ladies all the time.  That's basically the plot of A Gnome Named Gnorm released in some parts of the country under the alternate title Upworld.  Anthony Michael Hall is back playing dress-up as the worst cop in California and he's partnered with a terrifying puppet.  It's like Lethal Weapon if, instead of Danny Glover, Riggs was played by a goblin from Labyrinth.  This movie is on YouTube in it's entirety and we highly recommend checking it out just for the sole fact that you get to see Jerry Orbach bitch slap a puppet gnome.  Enjoy!
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Thursday, December 1, 2016

90: "It Was Just Racist Enough" - Soul Man (1986)

C. Thomas Howell and Arye Gross, two people who should not be headlining a comedy play two guys who hate studying that somehow get into Harvard Law School in the hit 1986 comedy "Soul Man".  This tells the story of class struggles really as a rich white kid gets mercilessly cut off from his parents and digs deep into his soul to truly find himself.  Oh yeah, this is the blackface comedy that set our country back many a year.  Howell exceeds the recommended dosage on some tanning pills to turn himself black to get a scholarship.  If you think that last sentence makes sense then you can get into this comedy that for some weird reason kinda works.  You have to get past the fact that this Brat Packer is in blackface the entire film but if you forget that there are some good gags.  Enough that both of us give it a recommendation.  This movie is so 1980s it features a performance by Ronald Reagan Jr. and whatever happened to Brian Benben?  Oh by the way, Julia Louis-Dreyfus is in this movie too.  Enjoy!
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