Thursday, October 19, 2017

131: "You're Wasting Your Magic On Bullshit" - Bewitched (2005)

Where am I?  How did I get here?  Is this the real universe?  Those are the questions raised after watching the most meta movie ever made Bewitched.  If this movie was half as concerned with plot and characters as it was with being self refferential it would be amazing.  It's not so it's a turd.  So many things are wrong.  Why do they establish a relationship between Michael Caine and Shirley MacLaine and not have it pay off?  Why is Steve Carrell playing Uncle Arthur when we've already established that Paul Lynde is Uncle Arthur in this universe?  Why doesn't Will Ferrell find out that Nicole Kidman is a witch until 10 minutes before the end of the film?  How do the nosy neigbors from the original series exist in the real world?  Am I in a snowglobe in the mind of an autistic child?  All these questions plus a conversation about The Good Place, the Nielsen ratings conspiracy, the state of television and, what what, we actually talk about Saturday Night Live?

Thursday, October 12, 2017

130: "Blonde Hair, Blue Eyes, Tight Little Butthole" - Geppetto (2000)

Here it is.  The long awaited Geppetto.  The fist musical television event of the new millennium.  Drew Carey stars as everyone's favorite toy maker who goes out on his own adventure while his little wooden boy travels to Pleasure Island.  Why would anyone care about Geppetto, you say?  Well, what if I told you that he visits Wayne Brady, or a town where Rene Auberjonis manufactures children to your exact specifications?  Throw in an Emmy worthy performance by Brent Spiner as an insane puppeteer and you got yourself a weird movie that is worthy of being a running joke on Whose Line Is It Anyway?  This movie features 2 SNL cast members Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Ana Gasteyer.  Enjoy!

Thursday, October 5, 2017

129: "Stephen King's Let's Murder The President" - Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996)

For the second week in a row we are discussing a movie that graces the bottom 100 of IMDB's worst films.  Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace is an incomprehensible mess starring Matt Frewer taking over the role originated by Jeff Fahey.  He's a formerly mentally challenged gardener who is now a virtual reality deity, or something like that.  This movie makes very little sense and swe spend most of the podcast talking about the future, Stephen King, technology, Virtual Reality, Jim Carrey villains and other stuff.  Molly Shannon has one line as a homeless lady in case you were wondering why we picked this film.  Enjoy!

Saturday, September 30, 2017

128: "Did Anyone Give A Shit?" - Santa With Muscles (1996)

I know we say this every week but, this might be the worst movie we've ever seen.  Then again, what were we expecting when we sat down to watch Santa With Muscles?  Hulk Hogan stars in this 1996 film that for some reason was theatrically released.  This looks like it was shot on a 1996 cell phone.  The Hulkster plays a carefree millionaire who gets hit on the head and thinks he is Santa Clause.  This movie was produced by The Wolf Of Wall Street himself Jordan Belfort, so maybe it was autobiographical.  Enjoy!

Thursday, September 21, 2017

127: "Dan Aykroyd's Jowls Should Not Jiggle In Slow Motion" - Shortcut To Happiness (2003)

You've never heard of Shortcut To Happiness?  Maybe you know it as Sexy Devil or maybe you're more familiar with The Devil And Daniel Webster.  Whatever you call it, it is one of the worst made movies we've ever watched.  Alec Baldwin made his directorial debut with this updated take on the classic short story which turns poor farmer Jabez Stone who made a deal with the devil into a struggling novelist who humps the devil and gains success.  This is on par with The Room as to how poorly it is shot and edited.  Are you ready for some circle wipes and slow-mo?  Anthony Hopkins plays Daniel Webster, he's not a lawyer which would make sense as he defends Alec Baldwin in hell court at the end, he's a book publisher and, we think, an ancient demon hunter.  We watched this movie for Darrell Hammond but we got a surprise appearance by Amy Poehler and, as always, Big Fat Dan Aykroyd.  Enjoy!

Thursday, September 14, 2017

126: "Ya Gotta Shave The Nips" - Mr. Wrong (1996)

Ellen DeGeneres starred in a romantic dark comedy in 1996 called Mr. Wrong.  Luckily for us it featured not only SNL alum Joan Cusack but also Ellen Cleghorne so we got to watch it and discuss it.  What a piece of shit.  This doesn't even seem like a real movie and that's not just because Mandeville Films didn't know where their production logo went.  Ellen falls in love with Bill Pullman and he turns out to be psycho.  Why not just break up with him, you ask?  We and the movie can not figure out the answer to that question.  How did nobody not know that Ellen was a lesbian?  Why did Dean Stockwell buy all those rings?  Why does Joan Plowright want her son to have a great big bonefest?  Why are the Mexican police so backwards?  And why didn't Pullman shave them nips?  All these questions and more on this week's Saturday Night Jive.  Enjoy!

Thursday, September 7, 2017

125: "Why Don't You Unbutton My Karate Pants" - Sidekicks (1992)

WWJPD?  We watch Sidekicks starring Chuck Norris, Jonathan Brandis and SNL alum Joe Piscopo as an evil karate teacher who also appears in visions as a racist caricature.  This is a bizarre little film where nobody can really tell what is real and what is reality.  Mainly we can't wrap our heads around the rules of the karate tournament which would almost assuredly end with Chuck Norris beating up children.  Enjoy!