Saturday, July 14, 2018

156: "Chekhov's Humping Elephants" - The Love Guru (2008)

It took 156 episodes but we are just finally getting to The Love Guru.  Why are we talking about this 2008 gem starring Mike Myers as a fame hungry self help charlatan?  Because 5 timers club member Justin Timberlake co-stars as Jacques "Le Coq" Grande a Canadian hockey player with a huge dick.  If you think that joke is funny then you should watch this film because they beat that into the ground along with every other unfunny thing that popped into Mike Myers's head.  Verne Troyer is small, Indian people have funny names, jokes you said on the playground when you were 7 still work when you are an adult and if all else fails how about a kick to the nuts.  It's a sight to behold as it almost seems like they are trying to make the worst movie ever made.  Was this all a "Producers" like scam to abscond with 60 million dollars?  And what's with the incessant mugging to the camera?  All this and more on this week's episode of Saturday Night Jive.  Enjoy!

Saturday, July 7, 2018

155: "Monkeys Are Different Than Dogs" - Beverly Hills Chihuahua (2008)

We pulled SNL 5 timers club member Drew Barrymore out of the hat so we watched Beverly Hills Chihuahua alone in the dark on a Saturday night.  We make good life decisions.  Chloe is a pampered pooch living the good life when she gets lost in Mexico and forced into the underground world of dog fighting.  While technically this is a movie, it is not a good one.  Enjoy!


Thursday, June 28, 2018

154: "I Wonder If The Koala Has AIDS" - Sing (2016)

It's time for another jukebox musical.  It's Sing the 2016 animated family comedy from the studio that brought you a bunch of minion backpacks.  5 time SNL host Scarlett Johansson voices a porcupine but we also get SNL cast members Jay Pharoah, Beck Bennett, Leslie Jones and Laraine Newman as various creatures.  This movie is a mess.  First thing wrong here, the fact that the characters are animals has nothing to do with anything.  These characters could be human and nothing would change or you could switch out their species and nothing would change.  The second thing wrong here, everything else.  Enjoy!

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

153: "Marconi Plays The Mamba" - Rock Of Ages (2012)

Well, we got 6 minutes into Thomas And The Magic Railroad and were thoroughly perplexed so we switched to our backup Alec Baldwin film Rock Of Ages.  This jukebox musical features your favorite songs from the 80s done in a musical theater style.  You know, to make them shitty.  Tom Cruise gives a terrific performance while Baldwin doesn't seem to want to be there and why didn't they let Giamatti croon?

Monday, June 11, 2018

152: "That's A Pretty Big Leap, Joe Mantegna" - Mazes And Monsters (1982)

5 time host Tom Hanks is the name we picked out of the hat and we went back to the beginning with a TV movie from 1982 called Mazes And Monsters.  Hanks stars as a college kid with an unhealthy obsession with a Dungeons & Dragons style game.  Things get a bit nerdy as Ben shows off his D&D knowledge and George discusses his love for Criminal Minds.  Also George figures out why he's not good at role playing games.  Enjoy!

Thursday, May 31, 2018

151: "Sucking Cat Cock For Catnip" - Nine Lives (2016)

Meow, this was bad.  Frequent SNL host Christopher Walken stars in Nine Lives from 2016 starring a lifeless voice over performance from disgraced boy lover Kevin Spacey over footage of a CGI cat.  We watched Mr. Fuzzypants learn his lesson about being a good dad.  Enjoy!

Thursday, May 24, 2018

150: "The Tooth About Cats & Dogs" - Tooth Fairy (2010)

SNL 5 time host Dwayne Johnson is the name we picked out of the hat and we are watching the punderful family film Tooth Fairy which also features SNL alum Billy Crystal.  I hope you like puns because this movie has a mouthful.  Johnson stars as a hockey player who is either the biggest jerk in the world or the nicest guy ever depending on which scene in the movie he's in.  After telling a young girl that tooth fairies don't exist he is sentenced to be a tooth fairy.  He can't tell anyone that he is a tooth fairy because if people found out that tooth fairies do exist it would ruin the magic.  So, tooth fairies operate in secrecy, don't want people to know they exist, but if someone says they don't exist they punish them.  They also collect teeth in exchange for money for some unknown reason.  This movie has a lot of problems.  Enjoy!