128: "Did Anyone Give A Shit?" - Santa With Muscles (1996)

I know we say this every week but, this might be the worst movie we've ever seen.  Then again, what were we expecting when we sat down to watch Santa With Muscles?  Hulk Hogan stars in this 1996 film that for some reason was theatrically released.  This looks like it was shot on a 1996 cell phone.  The Hulkster plays a carefree millionaire who gets hit on the head and thinks he is Santa Clause.  This movie was produced by The Wolf Of Wall Street himself Jordan Belfort, so maybe it was autobiographical.  Enjoy!

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127: "Dan Aykroyd's Jowls Should Not Jiggle In Slow Motion" - Shortcut To Happiness (2003)

You've never heard of Shortcut To Happiness?  Maybe you know it as Sexy Devil or maybe you're more familiar with The Devil And Daniel Webster.  Whatever you call it, it is one of the worst made movies we've ever watched.  Alec Baldwin made his directorial debut with this updated take on the classic short story which turns poor farmer Jabez Stone who made a deal with the devil into a struggling novelist who humps the devil and gains success.  This is on par with The Room as to how poorly it is shot and edited.  Are you ready for some circle wipes and slow-mo?  Anthony Hopkins plays Daniel Webster, he's not a lawyer which would make sense as he defends Alec Baldwin in hell court at the end, he's a book publisher and, we think, an ancient demon hunter.  We watched this movie for Darrell Hammond but we got a surprise appearance by Amy Poehler and, as always, Big Fat Dan Aykroyd.  Enjoy!

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126: "Ya Gotta Shave The Nips" - Mr. Wrong (1996)

Ellen DeGeneres starred in a romantic dark comedy in 1996 called Mr. Wrong.  Luckily for us it featured not only SNL alum Joan Cusack but also Ellen Cleghorne so we got to watch it and discuss it.  What a piece of shit.  This doesn't even seem like a real movie and that's not just because Mandeville Films didn't know where their production logo went.  Ellen falls in love with Bill Pullman and he turns out to be psycho.  Why not just break up with him, you ask?  We and the movie can not figure out the answer to that question.  How did nobody not know that Ellen was a lesbian?  Why did Dean Stockwell buy all those rings?  Why does Joan Plowright want her son to have a great big bonefest?  Why are the Mexican police so backwards?  And why didn't Pullman shave them nips?  All these questions and more on this week's Saturday Night Jive.  Enjoy!

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125: "Why Don't You Unbutton My Karate Pants" - Sidekicks (1992)

WWJPD?  We watch Sidekicks starring Chuck Norris, Jonathan Brandis and SNL alum Joe Piscopo as an evil karate teacher who also appears in visions as a racist caricature.  This is a bizarre little film where nobody can really tell what is real and what is reality.  Mainly we can't wrap our heads around the rules of the karate tournament which would almost assuredly end with Chuck Norris beating up children.  Enjoy!

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